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Friday, July 13, 2012

Lost it, completely.


 [this post has been edited for content]

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Did I just coin the term vomitous blatherings”? The answer is maybe because you and the other person who reads this blog are probably thinking the same thing at the same time so there’s really no way to tell if you just added a new term to the lexicon or not. But go ahead, take credit anyway. I always do.

In other quilting news, I’d like to once again link up with Quilter in the Gap’s Rhonda for some 3rd quarter finish-along fun. Really, this is becoming less “motivation” and more “she’s a bold-faced liar” list but I’ll go for it anyway. Hey, I’ve been busy! And I traveled this summer: France, Switzerland, Austria, and Germany. I’m a new woman. With meters of Dupioni silk. Oh sure, now you want to be friends.

2 Halloween goodies that I really want to see ready for action by the end of September. I know I can do it this time! I also started a reusable bag with Ghastlies fabric so I hope that gets finished also.


Last but certainly not least, I’m linking up with Wendy at The Crafter’sApprentice. She made a fabulous mat for under her coffee pot and gave me this swell idea—a mat for my dishes. I grabbed an old towel headed for the rag pile, some toaster fabric, and wha-la! made this lovely for my counter. If you can think of something to make with a used item thereby giving it new life, link up to her Something Old, Something New Competition! I'm going to try to come up with something else, but for now, I'm gurgling over this counter gemstone. I adore it; it’s the perfect size. 


So tell me what you would’ve done with the cucumber and I’ll draw a random commenter to win a prize :O) And no, the prize will not be perishable, sorry. 

22 comments:

  1. oh duff! i have missed you! xo

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  2. I don't know what I would have done. I love that pumpkin though:)

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  3. hey-- good catch!!! :-D And thank you for the laugh...
    love how you framed those ghastlies - very cute!
    I'd have smiled... said, "nice catch, huh?" and put it back if I didn't want it. :)

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  4. Wonderful story! But I don't think you said what you did. I guess I'd just ask him what he wanted me to do and hope the answer wasn't tooo honest!

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  5. Laughing my head of here and because I'm old and have less control of my bladder than I used to, I came pretty close to peeing my pants over this post. Why does catching a cucumber between your legs make me just want to roll on the floor laughing! I would have just removed it from between my legs, gave it good looking over, and then said, "Nope. Not big enough!" LOL!

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  6. In my fantasy, I'd take one long look at that cucumber, flex it a bit, smile and wink at the produce clerk.

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  7. ha, ha, ha! That's brilliant! The cucumber story I mean - it's the kind of thing that would happen to me. I'm quite embarrassing (I've been told by other people) so I probably would have said "nah, not big enough" and put it back!

    Love the counter mat - I have that toaster fabric too! it works perfectly.

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  8. Hilarious! Afterwards I would have regretted not doing what some of the others commented but in reality I would probably have put them back, especially as they weren't that good in the first place!!!

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  9. Duff, you are a true delight!! I too would have put them back, only after winking at said stock boy and asking if he knew if there were larger cucumbers in stock :) :) Your ghastlies mat is awesome by the way!

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  10. You completely lost me sweetie....the cucumber triathlon...well i would have purchased it........the men thingie....check out coffe shops,,,,always nice men there....you need to come over here...youmneed another holiday lol

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  11. I think I would take the cucumber from between my knees, raise both hands (with cucumbers) in the air, and said, "Ta da! The next show will be in 20 minutes. As always, tips are appreciated!"

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  12. I'm definitely laughing over here... I'm not sure what I would have done. Maybe you should grow your own cucumbers from now on :)

    I made a couple dishmats as gifts and Christmas time and I've seen them being used. They looks so nice. I don't have counter space to have one :(

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  13. I think I would have smiled and put the cucumber back. I love the dish mat.

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  14. this is a very funny story- I would have probably put it in my cart but maybe not- it is great to have a sense of humor about things - that guy's face must have been a real picture.
    I love the Halloween things that you have created.
    It was great to discover your blog through the red blue and white blog hop.
    Thanks for participating in it. Regards from Western Canada,
    Anna

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  15. How funny about the cucumber. I'm not sure what I would have done. Maybe said something smart like, I guess all that practice paid off. Or maybe after grabbing it from between my thighs, held it up and said Hmmm not quite the right size. But more than likely, just picked them all up and put them back and slinked away. hehe.

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  16. OMG, I'm seriously laughing my ass off at your slugger-between-the-lusty-thighs 50 shades of Gray edition of produce shopping. I think I would have probably packed up laughing, then turned 50 shades of red and died, muttering Oh My Gawd to myself.

    You're mom doesn't know everything. I know plenty of single female quilters who 'meet' Ryan Gosling EVERY night in their sewing rooms.

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  17. I'd probably have laughed at myself, said, "Size does matter" to the fellow watching, and chucked it back in the bin. ;)

    Found you through the FNSI linkup and laughed myself silly over this. :D

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  18. Catching a cucumber between your thighs has to qualify as an Olympic event!! LOL I would have put it back saying it doesn't meet my standards. You are too funny!!

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  19. LOL your stories are ridiculous!! I'm admiring your thighs' catching skills. I'd have probably looked at the guy and said "WHAT are you looking at? Martha Stewart says this is how you test for ripeness, jerk"

    Francine (mochawildchild.blogspot.com)

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  20. Duff! This post is totally hilarious. Loving everything about it. As for what I would have done? Probably the same thing I did when I slipped on a patch of ice on the quad in college right in front of a small group of guys. I didn't fall, but I did some crazy gymnastics to ensure not falling that were probably more embarrassing than actually falling. And I looked up when I was done, caught the eyes of the boys club who were all mouth agape, smiled and said, "It's ok. You can laugh." And they all DIED laughing. And then I took a little bow and walked away. ;)

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  21. I think you should win a special prize in Wendy's Something Old Something New challenge - a special CUCUMBER prize! This is the funniest post I've read ... EVER!!!

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  22. I would have smiled at the man, wiped the cuc on my sleeve, and put it back on the pile.

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